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TOPIC: Joke time!

Joke time! 03 Mar 2018 17:36 #82572

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A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies room of the gas station.
As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, "Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It's on the left."

The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was and said,
"I'm the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle; "You're shitting me, right?
You can't even find the Post Office."
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1951 Vagabond
1958 Johnson Super Seahorse 35
1959 Hawk II
1967 Evinrude 40
1957 Johnson Golden Javelin 35
1958 Cartopper
1955 Evinrude 7.5

Joke time! 01 Mar 2018 11:46 #82501

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A 70 year old wealthy widow decided she no longer wanted to live alone and put an add in the local newspaper advertising for a husband. The add read WANTED: Husband that wont run around on me, wont beat me, and must still be good in bed. Come by for interview. The next day her doorbell rings and when she opens the door there sits a man with no arms and no legs in a wheelchair. He says he was there to interview to be her husband. She laughs and says you can't be serious. He grins and tells her as you can see there is no way that I can run around on you, and it would be impossible for me to beat you. As she grins and agrees she asks, yes that is true but are you still good in bed? He replies, I rang the doorbell didn't I .
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1951 Vagabond
1958 Johnson Super Seahorse 35
1959 Hawk II
1967 Evinrude 40
1957 Johnson Golden Javelin 35
1958 Cartopper
1955 Evinrude 7.5

Joke time! 01 Mar 2018 02:55 #82499

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A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you're not in the mountains anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.....
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Love and a .45--one will kill you one will keep you alive.
"God gives me grace and the Devil gives me style"
1954 Vagabond 40HP Lark IV
1953 Deluxe Runabout
1956 Crestliner Commodore 10HP Sportwin
1962 Lonestar Holiday
1994 Landau 50HP Honda (BBJ)

Joke time! 28 Feb 2018 20:36 #82495

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Steve Gower
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Owner: 1955 Vagabond, 1958 35HP Johnson
1953 Deluxe Runabout

Joke time! 27 Feb 2018 23:26 #82488

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Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians, during a recent appearance at Caesars in Windsor :

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .


If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
You may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere
South of Detroit for the weekend,
You may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours,
You may live in Canada .

If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked,
You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumper cables in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
You may live in Canada .


If you design your kid's Halloween costume
To fit over a snowsuit,
You may live in Canada .

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --
You're going 95 and everybody is passing you,
You may live in Canada .

If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
You may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
and road construction,
You may live in Canada .

If you have more miles
On your snow blower than your car,
You may live in Canada .

If you find -2 degrees 'a little chilly',
You may live in Canada .

If you actually understand these jokes,
and forward them to all
your friends,
you definitely are Canadian and proud to be.
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57' Fleet Ranger111-
57' Fleet Cartopper-
53' Deluxe Runabout-
56' Johnson's...Javelin, 2 x 30,15, and 7 1/2 hp
we have not inherited the earth from our fathers, we are borrowing it from our children

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Joke time! 27 Feb 2018 01:38 #82466

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1955 Vagabond
1956 30hp Evinrude Lark
1973 Glastron GT 150

Joke time! 25 Feb 2018 16:31 #82427

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Steve Gower
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Owner: 1955 Vagabond, 1958 35HP Johnson
1953 Deluxe Runabout

Joke time! 22 Feb 2018 21:16 #82367

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My son asked me "what do you call a cow that plays guitar?"

"A Moosician..."
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Steve Gower
Web Master http://www.feathercraft.net
Owner: 1955 Vagabond, 1958 35HP Johnson
1953 Deluxe Runabout

Joke time! 22 Feb 2018 14:47 #82357

Extra funny given that the photograph appears to have been torn asunder and repaired.

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Joke time! 22 Feb 2018 04:39 #82347

:woohoo:

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1955 Vagabond
1956 30hp Evinrude Lark
1973 Glastron GT 150
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