When the captain’s ship ran aground he couldn’t fathom why

Be careful out there-Did you here about the midget fortune teller that escaped from prison?A small medium at large

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard.
"We're sorry, Mr. O' Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O'Flynn asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. O' Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O' Flynn.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her.
Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. O' Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"
The constable replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

Doug lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son, Andy, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."

"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."


The wife replies, "The asshole had a paper route."

WetWillie.... Keep em coming there funny

Paddy was driving down the street in a hurry because he had an important
meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he
said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass
every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up beer."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."

Which Country has the fastest growing population?











Ireland, because every day it is Dublin.

got a dirty joke.........

a white horse fell into a mud puddle.......

carry on Al, your good to go..........cheers bud

Okay, this is the last one until someone else posts a joke.
Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate and true love.

Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Linda to a fine restaurant.

While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said: "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you... I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Linda paused, then responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know something about me; For the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed looked at her with compassion and concern, before saying, "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."