I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

This is a detective story, So Pay Close Attention!

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.

They smuggled a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park.

The game is real exciting, and they are enjoying themselves immensely... mixing the Jack Daniel’s with soft drinks.

Soon, they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.

Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?




Think!






You have all the information you need to come up with the correct answer.






Think some more!



























Answer:

It’s the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded!

I had everything planned and had told my wife I would not be going to church with her on Sunday. My wife reminded me that Sunday was the Sabbath Day and hunting a trophy buck should not be part of the Sabbath.

1 I had scouted the area all summer.

2 I searched out the best location for my tree-stand.

3 I set it all up a month ahead of time.

4 I trailed the herd.

5 I picked out a trophy buck.

6 Two days before opening day I rechecked every aspect of the hunt.

7 Everything was in place.

8 Sunday morning, I woke up at 2 am.

9 I put on my camo, loaded my pack, set out for my stand.

10. This was destined to be an "Epic" hunt.

11. As I approached my deer stand, I called my wife and told her I had decided not to hunt on the Sabbath and would meet her at church.

The Sunday sermon was entitled,

"The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways"

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

“Please allow me to help. I’m a Physio-Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you’d allow me.”

“Oh, no, I’ll be alright. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, “How does that feel?”

“Feels great,” he replied; “but I still think my thumb’s broken!”

An old man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre and when the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together, the two of them tried repeatedly to move the man, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Joe," the old man moaned. "Where are you from, Joe?" asked the police officer.

With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Joe replied... "The balcony."

I seriously only drink water, coffee, or alcohol.
I'm either hydrated, annoying, or drunk...

Happy Halloween!