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TOPIC: Joke time!

Joke time! 10 Nov 2019 22:36 #100185

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[At parole hearing] Officer: Why should you be released early?

[​IMG]
Man: I’m ..

Officer: Go on.

Man: I think...

Officer: Yes?

Man: Can I please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
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Common sense has become so uncommon that I now consider it to be a super power.

Joke time! 09 Nov 2019 16:07 #100161

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So I asked my wife if I was the only one she's ever been with. She said yes, all the other ones were nines or tens.
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The Rivethead formerly known as Russ

Joke time! 09 Nov 2019 00:55 #100151

My Grandpa said "Son if you keep masterbating you will go blind". I said Grandpa turn around i'm over here.:silly: :silly:

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Joke time! 08 Nov 2019 17:42 #100149

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The other day I was driving and saw a hitch hiker, decided to pick him up. As soon as he got in the car he asked me how I knew he wasn't a serial killer. I looked at him and said it would be almost impossible for there to be two serial killers in the same car at the same time.
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The Rivethead formerly known as Russ

Joke time! 08 Nov 2019 05:08 #100144

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Never mind.

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John

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Joke time! 07 Nov 2019 23:18 #100137

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One day a state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding. When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a juggler and was on his way to perform and didn’t want to be late. The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver could juggle for him he wouldn’t give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle. The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk that he would light for him. While the man was doing his juggling act with the flares, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a very drunk man got out and started watching the show. He then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in. The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk man replied, “You might as well take me to jail ’cause there ain’t no way I’m passing that test!”
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Common sense has become so uncommon that I now consider it to be a super power.

Joke time! 04 Nov 2019 00:13 #100097

His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi ... And he needed a loan, So ... he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International Redneck Festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000; and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from Ole Miss University, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

His name was BUBBA....

Keep an eye on those southern boys!

Just because we talk funny does not mean we are stupid.
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Joke time! 03 Nov 2019 00:33 #100082

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That one reminds me of a poster I saw recently that said:
"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then its hilarious!"
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Common sense has become so uncommon that I now consider it to be a super power.

Joke time! 02 Nov 2019 14:17 #100061

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“Remember, never compare or compete; just enjoy!" - Carlos Santana

"I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief." - Gerry Spence

Joke time! 02 Nov 2019 09:32 #100059

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Boatboy wrote: Good one, Don. I never noticed the dog or the car until the punch line.


Same here John... that is to funny :woohoo:

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